Ok so I wanted to start this off by talking about a struggle I have had for most of my life.
When was I saved?
This being a topic that I believe affects some children who are brought up in a Christian home.
I know this sounds silly most people have it written down in their Bible on the front page, mark it on their calendars and thank the Lord on that day for changing their life. However for me, I don’t know when or where I was.
I grew up in a Christian home my entire life with two wonderful parents, Fred and Darcy, to guide me on my journey through life with Christ. The only problem is that I was always with Jesus so I don’t know when I gave my heart to him. I know what you are thinking. Problem? Why is walking with Jesus a problem? IT IS NOT! Trust me I am very blessed in that I never was the “bad” kid. Sure I sinned but always the little things (Not saying that sins are ranked different, they are all the same in God’s eyes), I would lie to my parents, fight with my siblings but I never stepped out of the “normal boundaries” my parents had set. I didn’t sneak out, (no joke) do drugs, (not even a puff) or go to graduation parties that my fellow classmates held. I knew theses things would disappoint my parents, funny though, I didn't think it would disappoint God. Seams like he should be the center of my life. To be honest, for years and even now sometimes he isn’t. Shocking! Did a christian just say God isn't always in her life? Yes, yes I did. It is something that I have to consistently work on, day in and day out.
Our pastor this week, Jonathan Alexander (shout out to Northshore Community Church of Kirkland WA), said something that I really took to heart. We were reading about the woman who anointed Jesus’s feet with oil, and he said, “One who much is forgiven, loves much” now he was paraphrasing Jesus.
Luke 7:47 “Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”
Convicting message, but to be honest, after he said this all I could think was “I do love little”. I spend more time during the day thinking about what I am going to make for dinner rather than praying or even thanking the Lord for all of the blessings he has given to, not just me but my husband as well. We have more than we could ask for. Sometimes it doesn't seem that way living in our culture, but we do. I have a roof over my head and a car that is definitely not perfect but can get me from A to B, an income that satisfies all our needs and more, and on top of it all a family that loves me and my husband unconditionally. So why do I love little? I don’t know, I am working on it daily. I changed a preset in my car to Christian radio, have been listening to more messages online, and spending more time with my Bible and thinking on the Lord. I do think that in time these changes will help me to love the Lord more and be thankful for his blessings whenever they are bestowed. But again I still struggle with when I committed my life to Christ. Some may think this is silly, I walk with God now why would I care when I started? I think that way as well occasionally, but other times I wonder have I truly ever walked with him? The answer of course is yes but I never had the “aha” moment some do. They feel the Holy Spirit pouring over them and you can see instantly a changed person. Maybe that didn’t happen to me because I wasn't at the breaking point. I don't know. All I know is that on my journey with God I recommitted myself to him after college. I never stopped believing, but my lifestyle had changed and I knew it would lead to a path that God wouldn’t want me to take. So at the age of 19 I sought to put God at the forefront of my life. Just from reading this you already know that he hasn't always been at the forefront. But that isn’t because he left, it was because I wouldn't open the door to let him in. So I guess after all of this I have realized it is a journey that you have to take day by day and through his grace, even if I make a mistake, he will not abandon me. He will accept me with my flaws because he doesn't see them. All he can see is a soul perfect because of Christ, not myself.
I think this is something very relatable to young adults raised christian today
ReplyDeleteWhat I previously wrote must be lost in cyber space. Let's see if I can recall what I shared. I do remember when I asked Jesus into my heart, at the age of twelve. I steered clear of most "big" sins and tried not to flaunt my sins until the conviction of the Holy Spirit had its way. I've heard the same sermon and felt bad that I didn't have the same testimony, so I must not love much. The congregation I am in points out the big sins they've been saved from and I sit there feeling condemnation. It has taken a while to break free of that and realize we are all on level ground at the cross! It's about JESUS, not our sin. We give of what we're given (God's grace and love) not our own. We are to love the Lord God with all out heart, mind, soul and strength, inward to outward.
ReplyDeleteKaitlin, May the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart be pleasing to the Lord as you endeavor to follow His leading in this way. Do all for the Glory of God, working as unto Him.
Thank you Lisa. I have sat in church many times after listening to a testimony, thinking they are a great example of God's grace and that they could minister to so many. I than look at myself and see very little. It has taken me a while to realize that comparing our sin will not bring people to The Lord but showing his grace for those of every sin is what will.
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