A First Home and Newlyweds

Ethan and I decided that when we got married we didn’t want to pay rent and loose the money every month, and not get anything in return. So what did we as wise young newlyweds decide? To build, that's right, to build our first home. Now some of you may be thinking how did they have the money or resources or that was a very poor decision. Actually it was and wasn’t. 

A little background:

Ethan and I are both children of construction workers. So we are spoiled. Yes, but not in the way most people would think. Sure we did get extra things from our parents because they are both successful business owners but more we are spoiled in the knowledge of homes and accessories. Both of us lived in pristine homes throughout our lives. Now I don’t mean with all the bells and whistles, though the last home my parents build did have some bells, I mean in the sense that the layout was extremely functional and no wasted space. When you have lived like this and looked at thousands and thousands (no exaggeration here) of house plans, you're spoiled. I didn't even realize I was until Ethan and I were looking for a plan for our first home. We had certain perimeters we had to meet; the plan had to be under 1200 square feet and a single story home. Simply because we couldn’t afford any more. Now looking back we couldn't afford any of it but if you want to know why Dave Ramsey has that covered. No need to preach his sermons. Anyways, I quickly realized that everything I looked at didn't meet any of my criteria for a home. I wanted a functional layout with space, storage, and most importantly not a “cookie cutter”. That last one was the most important to me. I looked instantly at the resale value. I didn't want to have the exact home as everyone else in the neighborhood. I wanted unique. Well unique is expensive and I had to swallow that fast. So I narrowed my perimeters slightly and we found the perfect plan. Ironically it met all our needs that we originally couldn't find. Funny how God worked that out for us. We wanted it a certain way, and couldn't find it. Then we prayed for just about anything and boom, there was the one we wanted to start out with. Plenty of storage, the layout was great and my kitchen wasn't the new style of living room, kitchen and dining all together. I HATE THAT! I got a nook and it was awesome. In the end we got a three bedroom two bath place and love it so much. The entire experience was amazing. Picking out the colors, cabinet styles and interior design was exactly what I wanted. We were in bliss mode and on cloud nine until the week off closing. 

Since we were first time home buyers, we decided on the government program. I will never do that again nor will I recommend it to anyone. It was a miserable experience. Remember how the government shut down in October of 2013? Yeah, two days later I wouldn't have cared at all. We were supposed to close the next day. I cried my eyes out when the loan officer told us that it was suspended. Then I cried again when the builder said he couldn't wait longer than a week to close. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, not even a flicker. Then my amazing husband who had only been married to me for a month came up with an idea, that I hated at the time, but the alternative I dreaded even more. He asked the builder if we could rent our home, yes as messed up as it sounds, until we could close on the house. Well to make a long story short, he went for it and we ended up renting our house for six months until the government was back online and our loan could be processed. 

Now you are probably wondering what does this have to do with God and marriage. I’m getting to that. People told us, and it’s very commonly said that the first year of marriage is the hardest. In our case that couldn't have been more correct and yet completely wrong. They say you fight the most and have to figure everything out, so it is stressful. Yeah, it wasn't like that for us. Our first year was hard because of what was going on in our lives however our marriage was amazing. We had the house looming over our heads, not knowing when or if ever we could close and call it our own. I was in a car accident, and after we closed on the house only four months later we moved. What they moved? All that for nothing? No, we moved and kept our home, but that is beside the point. 

Our marriage was amazing because we loved deeply and were there to help each other get through the hard times. I could come home from work, stressed about the house and know that on the couch waited my best friend who could give me a hug and kiss and say it was all right. We prayed about things constantly and it brought us closer together and closer to God. The song Blessings, by Laura Story,  was my life. I didn’t know what God’s plan for the house was and I was really worried that it would be for us to not get it. We had poured a lot of money and equity into the home that we not only didn’t want to loose but we loved our little starter. Every time I heard that song I was reminded that God’s plan would be a blessing even if it was at the moment bad news. Sounds silly but it was a trial of faith. Thankfully Ethan and I pulled through and we own our home today. It is in a quiet neighborhood with a park at the end of the street. 

So when the going gets tough, the tough get PRAYING. My mother-in-law once told me, “nothing is more powerful than God”, and I am thankful for that because he can pour his blessings on you if you only place your faith and worries in him. 

     Matthew 11:28 

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Homes and Housewives

Side note, right now I am eating strawberries that I grew in my garden and they are delicious!

Ok so we can dive in now. This has been done before but I saw a post this week on facebook that just fired me up, so I’m going to talk anyway. Bear with me. 

Proverbs 31 Woman….. First off, this passage in my opinion is written for both husband and wife. Yes, it is the example for a wife to be in the home but, it is also the guidelines for a man to look for in his future wife. You cannot expect a woman who has never cooked a day in her life to instantly provide every meal for you. Men need to look for the qualities they want in a spouse before they marry her; not expect those qualities to just magically appear. With that said, wives need to provide for their husbands while he is providing financially. If you both work that’s great, I have a job outside the home however, that doesn't mean because I’m working I don’t need to make dinner, or because he worked he can’t help me put the dishes away. It goes both ways in a marriage. One person should not be catered to. If you want that in your marriage, don't get married just stay home with your mom, thats what your looking for. Ok so I won’t rant anymore and we actually get something accomplished today. Here is the post I saw.  

(The New Hot 89.9 FM)

This is true, the home is not what it used to be. Honestly, I don't know if I want the home to be as it was in the early to mid 20th century. I have a job and I want to keep working even when Ethan and I have kids. However, I know I am not the breadwinner and I could never ask my husband to stay home while I work. It would kill him. I need to be the one who works in the home to make it a home. With that being said I have determined that the Proverbs 31 Woman in some respects is unattainable for me. Some of you may think it is possible, I don’t!. 

                Proverbs 31: 10-31 

10 Who can find a virtuous wife?

For her worth is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;

So he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

13 She seeks wool and flax,

And willingly works with her hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships, 

She brings her food from afar.

15 She also rises while it is yet night,

And provides food for her household,

And a portion for her maidservants.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

From her profits she plants a vineyard.

17 She girds herself with strength,

And strengthens her arms.

18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,

And her lamp does not go out by night.

19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,

And her hand holds the spindle.

20 She extends her hand to the poor,

Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,

For all her household is clothed with scarlet.

22 She makes tapestry for herself;

Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates,

When he sits among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

And supplies sashes for the merchants.

25 Strength and honor are her clothing;

She shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,

And on her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She watches over the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;

Her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many daughters have done well,

But you excel them all.”

30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,

But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,

And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Ok so if you just finished that then yeah, unattainable. We have to remember that this was written almost 3000 years ago, three thousand years! That is a long time yet, the principles still apply to our daily lives. Granted not every woman can sew, or cook, or garden, but in what we can do, it should edify our lives for God and for our husbands. Now read it again, I’m sure there is something in the passage that you realized you could do, but you aren’t. For me it is providing food for my household. I used to sleep in everyday while my husband got up for work, made himself breakfast and lunch. How is this helping him? So now I get up with him, I can go back to sleep if I want when he leaves. I make him breakfast and coffee while he makes sandwiches for lunch. That’s right team effort. WOOT WOOT… but seriously I rise with him and provide him a meal. I know it sounds silly but our marriage has been even better since. He is extremely thankful for it and I enjoy the extra kisses I get for making his eggs just right. Plus, on a bad day and I do want to sleep in, he doesn't mind, he is actually even more loving in that area as well. If I say "sorry I slept really bad and need some more," he will tuck me in, give me a kiss and when I do wake up he has usually made a pot of coffee for me. How sweet! I’m sure there is another part of the passage that I could work on as well but right now one step at a time. 

You don’t have to be a Proverbs 31 woman to be a good wife, but to be a great one, you should read and apply it to your life. Husbands worry about providing for their family. The best way to serve him? Live within your means! This will eliminate the pressure on him, and will demonstrate your love for him. God didn't write scripture to degrade us but to help us on our journey to become more like Christ; and wouldn't Christ make breakfast for his bride?